Wednesday, 10 August 2022

F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Price of Fame


This article is a brief outline of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s life and illustrates why I chose him to be part of my ‘Tortured Souls’ series.

Francis Scott Fitzgerald is considered one of the great American writers of the 20th Century. At 23 years old, he had achieved glittering success but sadly, he went on to live a life of excess, alcoholism and depression leading to an early death at the age of 44.  By the time of his death, most of his works were out of print and his early achievement as a literary star was almost forgotten.

In the early days, alcohol softened the blow of rejection and camouflaged the pain of poverty. At the height of his career, he and his wife Zelda lived the celebrity lifestyle, resembling that of the characters in his highly successful novel, The Great Gatsby.  Extravagant parties with the elite, expensive liquors, hysteria and outrageous behaviour were all part of a regular day for the Fitzgeralds.  They revelled in the attention and were always agreeable to put on a show.  Their relationship was fraught with dysfunction which they openly demonstrated to an appreciative audience.  However, they were soon to become boozed up, burned out and broke.  Their audience became bored with the frantic outbursts and tiresome arguments and The Fitzgeralds’ dwindling bank balance could no longer satiate their hungry, opulent appetites.

Scott’s alcoholism exacerbated and Zelda suffered from several mental and physical breakdowns.  By 1930, Zelda was diagnosed with schizophrenia resulting in long stays in clinics which would become the course for the rest of her life.  In 1936, Fitzgerald wrote, 'Of course, all life is a process of breaking down ....  For sixteen years I lived pretty much as this latter person, distrusting the rich, yet working for money with which to share their mobility and the grace that some of them brought into their lives…..,' from 'The Crack Up', a collection of personal essays and letters.  

This period became known as the Crack Up; Fitzgerald was drunk, broke, living in hotel rooms and unable to write commercial stories.   His stories about himself, his musings and his alcoholism were not well received and he was unable to command the once high prices, he achieved from his magazine stories.  By the end of the ’30s, his acute alcoholism was taking its toll.  His health was dramatically deteriorating and he was badly affected by recurring bouts of tuberculosis.  In late 1940, Fitzgerald suffered a heart attack and on the 21st December 1940, he suffered a further, massive heart attack, ending his short and troubled life.

The main resource for Fitzgerald’s stories was his own life, his relationships, tragedies and feelings of failure.  He wrote, ‘all the stories that came into my head had a touch of disaster in them, the lovely young creatures in my novels went to ruin, the diamond mountains of my short stories blew up, my millionaires were as doomed as Thomas Hardy’s peasants.’           

Fitzgerald left behind The Last Tycoon, his final novel, unfinished at the time of his death.  It was edited and published in 1941 by his friend and literary critic Edmund Wilson. 

Image: Jane E Porter, The Fitzgeralds 2011, collage


Friday, 22 July 2022

The Tortured Soul Creates Art

I am lost, I am blessed, creative and a mess, 
I am medicated, stoned and obsessed.
I am confused, I’m sad and driven nearly mad, 
I am alone, I’m guilty and possessed.
I am courageous and terrified, 
I’m secretive and I’ve lied, 
I am success, a failure and 
God knows how I’ve tried.

I’m tormented, I am strong, 
yet weak and I was wrong 
about so many things.
I am rejected, I am knocked, 
temporarily blocked.  
I am powerless and under repair.
I am questioning, unsure, 
altered and impure, 
I am doubt and I’m out of control.
I am determined, I am fear, 
I am real, I am here.
I am the artist’s tortured soul.

Monday, 11 April 2022

The Feminist Artists Gave Us A Voice

This piece is about the fears many women have about using their voice and saying what they believe in.  

I'd been studying 'The Feminist Art' movement of the late 1960s and was inspired by the strength and determination of these women.

The Feminist artists stood against an established, male-dominated art world. Women were under-represented and invisible to the public and the Feminist artists fought to change, what had been the norm for centuries.

I want to thank them for their courage and offer my sincere gratitude.


Image: Spoils of Courage 2004 (sold), Mixed Media on Board - oils, wax, plaster.


Further Reading

The Feminist Artists Who Changed the World

Artland - Feminist Art History 

How Art Fought for Women's Rights


Tuesday, 1 February 2022

Embracing Defiance: Finding Artistic Identity and Trusting My Instincts

After all these years, I'm still trying to find myself as an artist. To help me solve this dilemma and organise my thoughts, I have decided to start at the beginning.

This was one of the first paintings I did at art school. My tutors said that palette knife paintings were artless and cheesy so being defiant, I painted the whole thing with palette knives and guess what - they couldn't tell the difference.

Stick to your guns, be defiant, try things out.  Embracing the rebellious spirit is inherent to being an artist.


Image -  The Painter's Pot 30 x 60 cm, oil on canvas.

Wednesday, 8 December 2021

The Artistic Crossroads: Embracing Vulnerability

I've wanted to start a blog for a long time but wasn't sure if I'd anything to offer.  I'm still unsure but hey, we can't give in to fear, right?  I hope to find my tribe, so we can share our stories, successes, struggles and learn from each other. 

Below is a bit of background to give some context. I hung up my paint brushes around seven years ago (2013) as a series of life events became overwhelming, at times heart-breaking.  For two of those years, I was physically and mentally unable to paint or make art of any kind.  I was burned out and broken. 

During my fine-art absence, I did other creative stuff - graphic design, illustration, digital painting and, recently I illustrated a children's book about recycling.  These pursuits were rewarding and immersing myself in the magical world of children's illustration was lots of fun.

Now, seven years on, the call to painting returns, but do I want to put myself in that place again - applying for shows, rejection and a studio of unsold work collecting dust, or do I focus on becoming a better illustrator?  

Starting over can be both exciting and terrifying.  It's scary and makes me feel vulnerable, but as a fan of Brene Brown, I try to adopt her philosophy of vulnerability being a strength.  

Dr Brown says, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy courage, empathy, and creativity.... If you run away the second those shaky feelings arise, you're just reinforcing the voice in your head that says I'm not good enough." 

If you are an artist and reading this, you may relate and I'd love to hear your thoughts.  What drives you to keep going, even when self-doubt and insecurity keep knocking?

Please leave comments below and have a great week. 


Image - Bird (2012), homage to Charlie Parker, 60 x 90 cm.  Oil and Collage on board

Brene Brown - Daring to be Vulnerable

This is a great Armchair Expert podcast with actor, writer, comedian, and director, B. J. Novak.  Dax and B. J.  talk about their insecurities and struggles that taunt them, despite their success.