The Tortured Soul Creates Art

I am lost, I am blessed, creative and a mess, 

I am medicated, stoned and obsessed.
I am confused, I’m sad and driven nearly mad, 
I am alone, I’m guilty and possessed.
I am courageous and terrified, 

I’m secretive and I’ve lied, 
I am success, a failure and 

God knows how I’ve tried.

I’m tormented, I am strong, 

yet weak and I was wrong 
about so many things.

I am rejected, I am knocked, 

temporarily blocked.  
I am powerless and under repair.
I am questioning, unsure, 

altered and impure, 
I am doubt and I’m out of control.
I am determined, I am fear, 

I am real, I am here.
I am the artist’s tortured soul.

The Feminist Artists Gave Us A Voice

This piece is about the fears many women have about using their voice and saying what they believe in.  

I'd been studying 'The Feminist Art' movement of the late 1960s and was inspired by the strength and determination of these women.

The Feminist artists stood against an established, male-dominated art world. Women were under-represented and invisible to the public and the Feminist artists fought to change, what had been the norm for centuries.

I want to thank them for their courage and offer my sincere gratitude.

Image: Spoils of Courage 2004 (sold), Mixed Media on Board - oils, wax, plaster.

Further Reading

The Feminist Artists Who Changed the World

Artland - Feminist Art History 

How Art Fought for Women's Rights

Embracing Defiance: Finding Artistic Identity and Trusting My Instincts

After all these years, I'm still trying to find myself as an artist. To help me solve this dilemma and organise my thoughts, I have decided to start at the beginning.

This was one of the first paintings I did at art school. My tutors said that palette knife paintings were artless and cheesy so being defiant, I painted the whole thing with palette knives and guess what - they couldn't tell the difference.

Stick to your guns, be defiant, try things out.  Embracing the rebellious spirit is inherent to being an artist.

Image -  The Painter's Pot 30 x 60 cm, oil on canvas.

The Artistic Crossroads: Embracing Vulnerability

I've wanted to start a blog for a long time but wasn't sure if I'd anything to offer.  I'm still unsure but hey, we can't give in to fear, right?  I hope to find my tribe, so we can share our stories, successes, struggles and learn from each other. 

Below is a bit of background to give some context. I hung up my paint brushes around seven years ago (2013) as a series of life events became overwhelming, at times heart-breaking.  For two of those years, I was physically and mentally unable to paint or make art of any kind.  I was burned out and broken. 

During my fine-art absence, I did other creative stuff - graphic design, illustration, digital painting and, recently I illustrated a children's book about recycling.  These pursuits were rewarding and immersing myself in the magical world of children's illustration was lots of fun.

Now, seven years on, the call to painting returns, but do I want to put myself in that place again - applying for shows, rejection and a studio of unsold work collecting dust, or do I focus on becoming a better illustrator?  

Starting over can be both exciting and terrifying.  It's scary and makes me feel vulnerable, but as a fan of Brene Brown, I try to adopt her philosophy of vulnerability being a strength.  

Dr Brown says, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy courage, empathy, and creativity.... If you run away the second those shaky feelings arise, you're just reinforcing the voice in your head that says I'm not good enough." 

If you are an artist and reading this, you may relate and I'd love to hear your thoughts.  What drives you to keep going, even when self-doubt and insecurity keep knocking?

Please leave comments below and have a great week. 

Image - Bird (2012), homage to Charlie Parker, 60 x 90 cm.  Oil and Collage on board

Brene Brown - Daring to be Vulnerable

This is a great Armchair Expert podcast with actor, writer, comedian, and director, B. J. Novak.  Dax and B. J.  talk about their insecurities and struggles that taunt them, despite their success.